Act As If

In the early naughties, in my first job out of college, young-professional wear was black pants from Express with a light-blue button-down and clunky shoes from Steve Madden.  I chafed against it.  It reminded me too much of the sorority at my college filled with future young-professionals who had clearly been coached by their parents in how to Get Ahead.  (They almost picked me – ee!, but I was more of a Gryffindor than a Slytherin, with hand-me-downs and sale-rack specials.)

Every morning as I got ready, I would ask my sweetie ‘Can I wear this to the Bank?’ Straining against appropriateness and yearning toward self-expression, I’d wear open-toes and bare legs in summer, funky tights and cozy-bathrobe-style sweaters in winter.  I was young and more interested in approximating Hedwig’s glittery red lips and trying out the strappy heels I could then afford than adhering to the dress-for-success look. 

I’d heard to dress for the job you want, but couldn’t bring myself to do it in that way.  When I left that job, it was a relief to run around in jeans and yoga pants and colors and patterns.  I was living the life!  It prompted at least one person to tell me that I’d dressed as if I’d put on all my favorite clothes at once.  And I thought ‘Why shouldn’t all my clothes be my favorite clothes?’  Living this way did wonders in helping me be comfortable in my own skin.  It was maybe what I should have done first. 

Many of the things we do in yoga invite us to ‘be our future self’ - to be the person who has already gotten to the other side of some trial or tribulation – now.  It means to show us that to have that thing we want, we must be like the person who already has it. 

To develop this capacity, we do things that both require and offer the qualities we seek to grow in ourselves.  If we want to learn more than we already know, we pay attention to our breath and foundation.  If we want to have stamina and be strong, we repeat and hold postures.  If we want to attune and refine, we pay attention to the little things. And if we want to expand, we stretch into the next possibility.

Some time ago, Laura (I’ve learned so much from her!) and I were talking about how we operated in the world.  I was saying how I felt that I needed to know something wholly – and then be invited – before I would present myself for a job or a role.  She was telling me about how her dad got himself in to all kinds of successful situations simply by knowing enough.  He knew the right way to act, to dress, to be with others that allowed him access to situations that his training and experience really wouldn’t or shouldn’t have.  He acted as if he belonged – and he did!  He did so much in his too-short life, and it has rubbed off on Laura.  And now on me. 

My latest career move, a step back in to the corporate world, had me nervous about feeling that old post-graduate way.  This job is something I wanted to do, but did I really want to give up my loosey-goosey ways?  Did I have what it took to be in the Big Leagues, as my colleague puts it? 

There was a time when I was running my yoga studio and my life coach continuously would tell me, “You get to make it up.”  So, this time around I’ve made a conscious choice to look for examples of folks who are doing it well.    Apparently we have come a long way, baby.  I see gorgeous, powerful ladies in soft, feminine clothing and good fabrics.  I see up-to-date haircuts and really good color jobs.  I see people eating healthier diets and lifestyle choices.  Yes, I can act as if I belong, and I can thrive.