In the early naughties, in my first job out of college, young-professional wear was black pants from Express with a light-blue button-down and clunky shoes from Steve Madden. I chafed against it. It reminded me too much of the sorority at my college filled with future young-professionals who had clearly been coached by their parents in how to Get Ahead. (They almost picked me – ee!, but I was more of a Gryffindor than a Slytherin, with hand-me-downs and sale-rack specials.)
Every morning as I got ready, I would ask my sweetie ‘Can I
wear this to the Bank?’ Straining against appropriateness and yearning toward
self-expression, I’d wear open-toes and bare legs in summer, funky tights and
cozy-bathrobe-style sweaters in winter.
I was young and more interested in approximating Hedwig’s glittery red
lips and trying out the strappy heels I could then afford than adhering to the
dress-for-success look.
I’d heard to dress for the job you want, but couldn’t bring
myself to do it in that way. When
I left that job, it was a relief to run around in jeans and yoga pants and
colors and patterns. I was living
the life! It prompted at least one
person to tell me that I’d dressed as if I’d put on all my favorite clothes at
once. And I thought ‘Why shouldn’t
all my clothes be my favorite clothes?’
Living this way did wonders in helping me be comfortable in my own
skin. It was maybe what I should
have done first.
Many of the things we do in yoga invite us to ‘be our future
self’ - to be the person who has already gotten to the other side of some trial
or tribulation – now. It means to
show us that to have that thing we want, we must be like the person who already
has it.
To develop this capacity, we do things that both require and
offer the qualities we seek to grow in ourselves. If we want to learn more than we already know, we pay
attention to our breath and foundation.
If we want to have stamina and be strong, we repeat and hold
postures. If we want to attune and
refine, we pay attention to the little things. And if we want to expand, we
stretch into the next possibility.
Some time ago, Laura (I’ve learned so much from her!) and I
were talking about how we operated in the world. I was saying how I felt that I needed to know something
wholly – and then be invited – before I would present myself for a job or a
role. She was telling me about how
her dad got himself in to all kinds of successful situations simply by knowing
enough. He knew the right way to
act, to dress, to be with others that allowed him access to situations that his
training and experience really wouldn’t or shouldn’t have. He acted as if he belonged – and he
did! He did so much in his
too-short life, and it has rubbed off on Laura. And now on me.
My latest career move, a step back in to the corporate
world, had me nervous about feeling that old post-graduate way. This job is something I wanted to do,
but did I really want to give up my
loosey-goosey ways? Did I have
what it took to be in the Big Leagues, as my colleague puts it?
There was a time when I was running my yoga studio and my
life coach continuously would tell me, “You get to make it up.” So, this time around I’ve made a
conscious choice to look for examples of folks who are doing it well. Apparently we have come a
long way, baby. I see gorgeous,
powerful ladies in soft, feminine clothing and good fabrics. I see up-to-date haircuts and really
good color jobs. I see people
eating healthier diets and lifestyle choices. Yes, I can act as if I belong, and I can thrive.
